Tainted Love

Now that the continuous stream of media coverage following Whitney Houston’s death has slowed to a trickle, I can’t help but think back to some of my favorite Whitney memories. No, it’s not Whitney winning Grammy after Grammy in the 80’s (I barely remember that stuff anyways), it’s not when she time traveled through fashion in the “I’m Your Baby Tonight Video”, and it’s not even when she starred in the groundbreaking girlfriend flick “Waiting to Exhale”. No, my favorite memories occur during her “Bobby Brown years”. Yes, I know it’s wrong to find bits of amusement in someone else’s misfortune, but I loved her in all of her crazy until the very end. I can’t help but giggle when I think back to some of Whitney’s most memorable quotes during those years, especially “crack is whack” (still wondering about the drug dealers that keep receipts) and “Bobbeeeeeee” along with other candid comments caught on the disastrously hilarious “Being Bobby Brown”.

From the outside, Whitney and Bobby’s union was a comedian’s dream, a hilarious heap of cocaine-fueled crazy that seemed to continue on as if propelled by inertia. But the romantic in me believes that these two truly did love each other until the end. But here’s the thing, not all love is good love. I might love to ride on roller coasters at Six Flags sans safety belt, allowing myself to experience the rush of adrenalin as I swerve speedily around the coaster’s curves and feeling my body attempt to escape from my seat as the coaster barrels down steep hills, but I can’t do this in reality because it is incredibly dangerous and contradicts that whole “self preservation” thing that I’m really into. Whitney and Bobby’s love was similar. I’m sure it felt great to both of them, but they were completely unhealthy for each other. What they shared was a tainted love.

As Whitney and Bobby’s marriage illustrates, strong feelings of love fueled by lust and desire are definitely not grounds to go off and marry someone. I’m sure many of us have significant others from the past that we loved (or at least thought we loved) but would agree that they are “exes” for good reason. Perhaps that person was brought into your life for some other reason, like teaching you patience, or showing you what traits you definitely cannot tolerate in a significant other. That’s why in every relationship you need to do as the old-school hymn says and “take everything to God in prayer”. Pray for guidance. Pray for discernment. Pray that your own feelings do not get in the way of His will. And then wait on an answer. Praying is a lot wiser than wasting time in a tainted love with someone that is no good for you anyway.

Goodbye 2011....

2011 was an eventful year to say the least. I’m well aware of the truth in common adages like “ life is full of challenges” and “the only thing certain about life is uncertainty”, but this year’s life lessons seemed to have come from the Biblical book of Job. Okay, maybe I was not afflicted with sores or the loss of all of my worldly possessions but this year definitely sucked to say the least.


The year culmintated with the loss of my father in later October. Watching him die and later planning his funeral were the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. No amount of meditation or preparation can prepare you for such a devastating loss. And, while I welcome life’s opportunities for personal growth and maturation, I prefer my life lessons come in the form of Joel Osteen sermons or observing the misadventures of the Housewives of (pick your city).

But as the Romans 8:28 says “all things work together for the good of those who love Him”, for it was throughout these trying trials that I was affirmed of the primary benefit of marriage: true partnership. My husband was by my side at all times offering his support, not only in words but in action. If the tables had been turned, I’m not even sure that I would have been able to be as supportive, positive and gracious in the face of such adversity.

So as my friends and neighbors begin 2012 by resolving to reduce their waistlines or honor Oprah by refraining from texting while driving, I’m resolving to take a queue from the Bible by actively choosing to set my mind on positive things. Philippians 4:8 says “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things”. It would be easy to wallow in self pity and focus solely on the negatives from the past year, but I’m choosing instead to focus the positives, thanking God for a supportive spouse, and thanking Him in advance for an awesome 2012.

Memorial Day

I normally spend Memorial Day grubbin’ with family while enjoying some much needed time off from work. And while today was no exception, this year Memorial Day evoked a newlywed-related revelation which forced its way into my brain:

Memorial Day is for remembering the good stuff.

As a newlywed couple, you will both experience many “firsts” during the first year and just like a baby getting their first set of teeth, some of these firsts can be painful! It is so easy to focus on these negative “firsts”, but you must keep things in perspective. To borrow from the church song, your “good days outweigh the bad days”. There are plenty of kind acts, thoughtful words spoken, and funny moments shared which occur everyday in a marriage and these deserve our full focus - not the dirty dishes left in the sink!

In the devotional book “Praying for Our Marriage”, the author points out that developing a positive focus must be learned like any other habit.. With practice and prayer, we can teach ourselves to spend less time complaining and more time enjoying one another.

So this Memorial Day, I’m focusing on remembering all of those great things that I’ve experienced with my husband during our first year instead of focusing on the dirty clothes that never seem to make it into the hamper.

Happy Memorial Day!

You Reap What You Sow

“…for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” - Galatians 6:7

Late last summer I finally purchased some live vegetation for our newlywed nest (I‘m not too big on fake flowers but I have seen some realistic ones at Hobby Lobby. I digress….). A beautiful , tropical-looking plant with broad, waxy leaves, perfect for brightening up our living room and adding some much needed oxygen to our home. After I set the plant in its new pot next to the fireplace, I figured I’d only have water it a couple of times a week. No biggie.

All was well in the beginning. The plant grew beautifully, even with my sporadic attention. But the demands of work, out of town travel, and plain laziness turned my once sporadic care completely non-existent. And as expected, the plant began to wither. I thought that maybe it needed some sun so I moved it outside. Then we had a tornado/hurricane/tsunami. What was left of the plant was a shriveled mess so my husband finally put it out of its misery and threw it away.

My brief horticultural experience got me thinking about how caring for a plant is so similar to marriage. Like the plant, if you neglect your marriage (not enough attention, affection, communication, etc.) your spouse will respond accordingly. And you can’t expect to “reap” something that you are not contributing yourself.

In Dr. Robin Smith’s book “Lies at the Altar”, she stresses that marriage is for mature adults who should be prepared to get out only as much as they are willing to put in to the relationship. So if all you do is nag and criticize your spouse, don’t be surprised if you receive the same treatment from your spouse in return.

So in my marriage, I try (emphasis on try) to make an effort at sowing positivity into our relationship. For instance, I make an effort to fix hubby’s fave dishes or stay up to discuss the day when he comes home late from class. These are small acts, but cumulatively I think they contribute to the overall health and longevity of our marriage.

And I really don’t want my marriage ending up like that plant!