Happy Holidays!

With Christmas fast approaching, I felt that it was most fitting to present my thoughts on the holidays from a newlywed’s perspective.

While the holidays normally evoke pictures of Norman Rockwell-like family gatherings in the imaginations of most, for newlyweds the holidays may bring about feeling of anxiety and stress. Why? Because the newlyweds will be forced to navigate through the minefield of family feelings, traditions and unspoken expectations for the first time together as a couple. No matter what solution you come up with regarding where to spend your holidays, someone (mom, uncle, cousin, etc.) will have something to say about your decision.

First off, please, please, please, please, discuss the holiday/in law situation as far in advance as possible. I don’t mean the week before Thanksgiving or Christmas, I’m talking summer time! Actually, it should be discussed pre-wedding. This helps prevent any confusion or hurt feelings between the two of you before hand. Once the two of you make a decision, stick to it. Remember that the two of you are now one and you should be as tight as J.J. and his homies on “Good Times” (“United we stand, divided we fall, we tighter than pantyhose, two sizes small” – okay, I’m watching too much TVOne)

The first holiday is an exercise in one of those “C” words that pops up so much in marriage: Compromise. If it were up to me, we’d spend all holidays with MY family, enjoying my mom’s signature cornbread dressing and my dad’s fired turkey! An afternoon of pigging out “Golden Corral style” would be followed by entering into a food-induced coma on the living room sofa while the football game plays in on the big screen.

But instead doing what I want (that would be too easy!) I must consider that my husband also has his ideal holiday with traditions that he and his family share. I could not imagine taking the holiday happiness that he experiences in sharing with his family away from him.

So, we compromise.

Since both of our families live in the same city, we’ve decided to split our day in 3, early afternoon with my folks, mid-afternoon with his family, and the evening is left for us to enjoy each other and start our own holiday traditions, together.

Some of my other married friends split the holidays (Thanksgiving with his family, Christmas with hers or vice versa) or they just invite everyone to their home to minimize complaints from the in-laws.

So this Christmas, by the end of the day, I know I’ll be stuffed with more turkey, dressing and sides than I can possibly stand, I’ll have laughed with my 5 year old cousin until my cheeks are red, and I’ll end the day with my husband, having survived our first Christmas together (hopefully) drama free.