Divorceable Action

I know that I’m waaay late in providing my two cents on the now infamous Kardashian-Humphries, 72 day marriage, but I felt compelled to write about it after seeing a promo for the Kim and Kourtney Take on New York show. I did not catch the entire advert, but the gist was that Kim was upset with Kris for leaving the country without her knowledge (cue dramatic music and serious, deep voice announcer guy). This action ultimately led to Kim filing for divorce a few weeks later.

Was Kim right to be upset about Kris’ immature and inconsiderate trip abroad, ABSOLUTELY! Was this a reason for divorce, ABSOLUTELY NOT (in my opinion)!

I know that many may disagree with me, but one thing that I have gained in these first few years of marriage (aside from those stubborn newlywed pounds) is an increased tolerance and patience in dealing with my spouse. Admittedly, we have both been guilty of thoughtless behavior as we adjust to our new status as "Mr. and Mrs.". For some, it just takes a little longer to acquiesce, and I think Kris may be one of those people. Kris’ actions reflect his age, character, and maybe some general naiveté about marriage. All of these things are understandable and a part of that sometimes painful adjustment period that all newlyweds go through.

This is why I'm a staunch advocate of a lengthy courting period (at least 1 year). There are always exceptions to the rule, but I believe it takes some time to learn a person's true character and to see how they react in different situations before you can make a decision about spending the rest of your life with this person.

Our premarital counselor always made a point of stressing the seriousness and permanence of marriage to us. In so many words he was trying to tell us that if we had any doubts about what we were about to embark upon, to work through them or decide to get out now! My husband and I both had an understanding of the seriousness of our union to ourselves, our family, our friends, and our future progeny. We also felt that we knew each other well enough to feel completely confident in the decision we were making.

An understanding of the severity of marriage makes one think more than twice before proceeding with any type of divorce action. Now don’t get me wrong, I believe that if either spouse becomes emotionally or physically abusive, or does something to undermine each other's happiness and well being then divorce is certainly justifiable and appropriate. If he becomes the NeNe to my Kim, the Tea Party to my Obama, you best believe I’ll be headed to the attorney’s office with a quickness.

Not to sound like a broken record but I truly believe that marriages require work and effort. You get out what you put in. Couples should approach marriage in the same way the Toyota approaches automobile manufacturing: continuous quality improvement. Keep working on your issues together until you can come up with solutions that work for the two of you. Check in with each other to ensure that you are both getting what you need out of the relationship and are happy in the marriage. I know some couples who actually schedule "state of the union" meetings with each other periodically. Do what works for you!

While rumors abound over the legitimacy of the Humphries-Kardashian marriage, the romantic in me believes that these two were truly in love but entered into the marriage with unrealistic expectations. The ever present and intrusive media could not have helped the situation either. Hopefully, these two have learned their lesson and will consider the realities of married life before saying "I do" again.

Goodbye 2011....

2011 was an eventful year to say the least. I’m well aware of the truth in common adages like “ life is full of challenges” and “the only thing certain about life is uncertainty”, but this year’s life lessons seemed to have come from the Biblical book of Job. Okay, maybe I was not afflicted with sores or the loss of all of my worldly possessions but this year definitely sucked to say the least.


The year culmintated with the loss of my father in later October. Watching him die and later planning his funeral were the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. No amount of meditation or preparation can prepare you for such a devastating loss. And, while I welcome life’s opportunities for personal growth and maturation, I prefer my life lessons come in the form of Joel Osteen sermons or observing the misadventures of the Housewives of (pick your city).

But as the Romans 8:28 says “all things work together for the good of those who love Him”, for it was throughout these trying trials that I was affirmed of the primary benefit of marriage: true partnership. My husband was by my side at all times offering his support, not only in words but in action. If the tables had been turned, I’m not even sure that I would have been able to be as supportive, positive and gracious in the face of such adversity.

So as my friends and neighbors begin 2012 by resolving to reduce their waistlines or honor Oprah by refraining from texting while driving, I’m resolving to take a queue from the Bible by actively choosing to set my mind on positive things. Philippians 4:8 says “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things”. It would be easy to wallow in self pity and focus solely on the negatives from the past year, but I’m choosing instead to focus the positives, thanking God for a supportive spouse, and thanking Him in advance for an awesome 2012.