As I slowly awaken from my barbecue brisket induced coma
this July 4th, I’m reminded not only of America’s declaration of
independence from Great Britain some 230-plus years ago, but I also think of
the independence that marriage affords. The phrase “independence in marriage”
might sound like an oxymoron, but I've found this statement to be true in my
marriage.
I know I’ve written about this before-the importance of
having a life outside of your marriage- but it’s a lesson that I can’t stress
enough! You must have lives independent of each other. Now don’t get me wrong, it
is not okay to have secret bank accounts, clandestine visits to the strip club
or a mysterious “friend” listed under an alias in your cell phone. I just mean
that you must make an effort to maintain the unique interests, activities and relationships
that you had prior to you becoming “Mrs. ______”. Those activities and
relationships contribute to the “you-ness” that made your spouse fall head over
heels. Why on earth would you change any of that up?
So if you and your girls have a standing date in New Orleans
every year for Essence festival, keep going. Or if you and your mom traditionally
hit up the stores with the rest of the serious bargain hunters at midnight on Black
Friday every year, keep doing it!
This Independence Day, my hubs had to work so I relaxed “independently”
with family and friends. Since he had to miss out, I made hubby a plate of his
favorite smoked hot links and barbeque chicken for him to feast on after a hard
day’s work*. So, although we were not able to celebrate together today, there
are no feelings of guilt or animosity, because our marriage is built on trust,
and trust allows for a certain amount of independence.
*Somehow we’ve fallen into tradition patriarchal marriage
roles when it comes to food since I’m usually the one responsible for our daily
meals. Hmm, sounds like a future blog topic!
