Like many black women these days, I’ve made the decision to
go relaxer free and embrace my God-given curls and kinks. No longer a slave to
the creamy crack (a.k.a. relaxer), I’ve survived the difficult withdrawal period when the
desire for smooth edges and tamed tresses was so intense, I would frequently find
myself lost in thought as I longingly gazed at the smooth “kitchens” and bouncy
coifs of permed ladies on my morning train to work. Now clean of my addiction, I
have eschewed those former practices that kept me tethered and bound to my
hairstylist, and I have vowed to embrace my hair in whatever texture that it sprouts
from my hair follicles*.
My personal transition journey has not been easy, and I’ve definitely
learned through trial and error what works for my unique hair texture. I’ve
often felt like I was back in my undergrad Organic Chemistry lab, mixing different
oils, gels and conditioners; noting my hair’s reaction to different amounts and
combinations; and finally coming up with a styling product equation that produces
the desired amount of shine, moisture and hold.
The same goes for finding hairstyles for my natural locs. Gone
are the days when I could wrap my hair at night and awaken to a silky, shiny
and straight coif; or pull my hair back into a cute ponytail on a bad hair day.
These days, I stalk natural hair websites, looking for different styles to try –
two strand twists, braids, twist outs, wash n go’s – I’ve tried them all! Although
it takes more time and effort to maintain the results are well worth it. My
chemically damaged locks have been replaced by strong healthy coils and curls.
The one thing that I’ve found surprising during my hair
journey is that my husband even has an opinion about my hair at all. I
initially considered this to be a personal journey for me, but as I must be
continuously reminded, there is no more “me” in marriage. And as a married
woman, I need to consider my spouse’s opinion and preferences even in the
little decisions like hair styles.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that hubby should be able
to dictate how you wear your hair, but I do believe that he has a right to his
opinion and as his life partner, you should make an effort to respect said
opinion. For example, I’m pretty lucky because my hubby LOVES my natural hair,
but he is definitely not shy about expressing which hair styles he prefers (twists) and which ones he wishes I would take
down immediately (afro puff). My visceral reaction is to say “Hey, this is MY
hair, that’s growing out of MY head so I can do with it as I choose without
your consult. THANK YOU!” But, I have to remember that I’m a married grown up lady
and that in marriage, there is that whole “honor and respect “ thing that I
vowed to do.
So I’ve made a conscience effort to incorporate my husband’s
opinion in my hair decisions. Like when I was beginning to think about going natural,
I talked about it with my husband well in advance and he actually encouraged me
to go ahead and do it after hearing me lament every 4 – 6 weeks about those costly
marathon hair relaxer salon appointments. My hubby was also integral in my decision
to cut off my relaxed tresses instead of opting for a slow transition. A friend of his actually preformed my BC (big
chop). I also try to incorporate some of his favorite styles into my growing
natural hair style repertoire. I’ve even perfected the two strand twist myself
(one of his faves)!
This man is going to be looking at you and your head
everyday (hopefully) forever. A little
consideration in ensuring that your personal aesthetic pleases him can go a
long way in maintaining a happy union.
*(Please note: I’m not one of those natural hair warriors who
feel the need to evangelize the natural life and rebuke ladies who choose to relax.
It’s all a matter of personal choice. Love yourself and do you! )
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