I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything (got to do better!) ,but I wrote this a while back and never got around to posting it. Hope you enjoy it! - The (Not so) Newlywed
This weekend, between preparing for Mother’s Day and running my usual weekend errands, I made my way to the movie theater to see the latest black movie de jour, “Jumping the Broom
”. I LOVE THIS MOVIE! The movie is wonderfully produced, full of intelligent dialogue, realistic scenarios, beautiful people and beautiful scenery. It’s the anti-Madea :-)
One of the major themes of the movie is the involvement of families in the lives of engaged couples. Whether you like it or not, you must deal with the fact that you are not only marrying your boo, but also his whole family. That includes the bougie auntie who wouldn’t dare wear shoes without red soles, or his brother who always seems to be in need of a loan. Yep, that’s your family too now!
Some newlyweds are lucky and find themselves in love with their in-laws as much as with their spouse, while others may find themselves wondering why God has chosen to have them marry into a family of Jerry Springer Show guests. The fact is that this is your family now and this is the man/woman that you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with. Because your spouse’s family is important to them, they should be important to you. Now don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean you need to have a standing weekly lunch date with him mom, but you should definitely try to be gracious and respectful towards them.
In the movie the groom’s mom and the bride bump heads due to miscommunication and misunderstandings around the wedding plans. Wedding are a super emotionally charged event (the parent feel like they are losing a child, the betrothed are nervous about their future roles, the bride is nervous about fitting into her dress etc..) and although you may feel it’s only about you and your boo, the family has their own plans. That’s why it’s so important for the engaged couple to present themselves as a united front.
Here are a few things that I learned about how to handle the family when it comes to wedding details:
1. Let him/her handle his or her own family: Your spouse should make sure that his side is on board with wedding plans (ex. when to show up at rehearsal, guests lists, putting the crazy people in check) and you need to do them same for yours.
2. Let it Go! – Although you may have dreamed of _(fill in with your fantasy)_ your whole life, your soon-to-be in-laws may have some input on things they want to see on your special day as well. I’m one for compromise so there’s nothing wrong with carrying his grandmother’s antique hankie, using his cousin as a soloist, or making sure his auntie’s ex-husband is sitting away from the rest of the family. Especially if your spouse’s side is paying for some portion of the wedding, you should just be prepared for them to have some input. Deal with it.
3. Have each other’s back! – Remember you two are now becoming one so it’s important not to allow the opinions, comments, or well intentioned “suggestions” of others to steer you and your future spouse away from your plans or away from each other.
Just remember the Enemy does not like marriage and sees weddings as the ideal time to start riffs and strife in a seemingly blessed relationship. Make sure you two stay prayed up as a unit and remember THIS IS ONLY ONE DAY. The marriage is what’s most important and not the wedding!
