As a newlywed, I have experienced moments of utter confusion and frustration over some of my husband’s actions. For example, why does he always “forget” to throw his plastic water bottles in the recycling bin? He knows that I recycle. I even started a recycling program in my office building! Is he seriously trying to drive me insane?! Something as seemingly innocent as a discussion over garbage disposal can easily morph into a Tea Party vs. NAACP-style debate in a matter of moments.Instead of marinating in my frustration during situations like these, I’ve found it helpful to seek the counsel of my “wise ones“ - trusted married friends who are able to provide sound and practical advice. My wise ones have reassured me of my sanity, checked me when I’ve overreacted (this happens frequently) and talked me off the ledge on several occasions. Even the Good Book advises to “listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise” Proverbs 19:20.
A few caveats:
1. Your circle should be small and tight. - You really do not need the details of your personal life scattered around to your friends and family. Your advisors should be close, trusted and mature people who are willing to candidly share tales from their marriage in order to bring you perspective and guidance. Just knowing that someone out there has experienced a similar situation in their marriage can be all the comfort that you need.
2. Note the title of this post - WISE counsel. -If you find that your friend’s advice includes condoning acts of violence or encouraging you to chunk your deuces a la Chris Brown, this person’s counsel is probably full of BS and not wisdom.
3. Don’t bash your spouse. - Your counsel has less to do with your spouse’s behavior and more with your own. You can’t control how your spouse behaves but you can control how you react to his behavior. The counsel and advice you receive should focus on positive actions you can take to ensure the longevity of your union.
When you had trouble with a class in undergrad, you got a tutor. Needed career advice, you sought a mentor. Your marriage is a lifetime commitment that will (hopefully) outlast any degree or job that you’ll ever have - so why not seek advise from folks who have already “been there and done that“?
